So here it goes...

Oh, you didn't think that I meant I would post that Sunday, did you?

Ha. Fooled you all, didn't I?

If it isn't already glaringly obvious, I promised a post for Sunday (yes, that Sunday) and then straight up did not deliver. And now I am trying to make up for it with feeble deceit and meek honesty. Friends?

Friends.

Well, now that those formalities have been dealt with, let us delve delve deeper into the issue at hand: I am a terrible person. Actually, let me amend that: I am terrible at being a person. That would be a wholly more accurate statement. I have absolutely no capacity for self-structure, will power, or self-esteem. And these three things make it so I am in a constant death spiral of self deprecation, boredom, and awkward social situations. This blog isn't meant to be a livejournal circa 2002, but I wanted to put down in writing these reasons for me not posting, along with not doing a whole lot of anything else.

So a week ago I talked about change. I was pumped up at the time; caught in a whirlwind of fleeting self-actualization and motivation. It passed, as it always has before. And it always leaves me feeling worse than what I was feeling before. It's consistent failing to live up to, not even who I can be, but who I used to be. And I can blame all of this on a million different things, like my genes or the fact that I was brought up to regard food as a comfort easily obtained, but ultimately it all comes down on me. It's on my shoulders that I just can't fucking deal with being a goddamned human.

I've been taking a lot of time this week to think about my situation. This whole 'century' thing is certainly not going to happen anytime soon; I'm going to need to put in a whole lot more riding, get better equipment, and become more fit before I attempt that feat. So here is my plan for the very near future: Be exercising 6 days a week, be on a regimented and nutritionally balanced diet, and ride as much as weather allows. My goal for my 5 month mark (Christmas Eve [where I see a lot of family at a big party]) is to be 185 lbs. That would mean, with very basic rounding, I would have to drop an average of over 1 lb a week for 5 months. And don't think I don't know that you are doing the maths to find out how obese I am. Because I know.

Oh, I know.

I think, I think, I may have just figured out how to do that. Whenever I have the decision to do something easy and enjoyable right now, or difficult and only enjoyed much further down the road, I will ALWAYS take the former option. Seriously, I'm like a godforsaken 4 year old. But I think I have happened upon how to change that:

I just have to constantly think about what it was and what it will be like to be thin.

I'm fully aware that may not be the healthiest mindset, you know, obsession and all. But seriously, I think that may be exactly what I need to get it through my thick skull. I want to be happy again, and I think that being thin would help me out tremendously.

WOW long post, eh? Well, I have to admit, it's good to be back writing to all two of you who may follow this blog, and all eight of you who are going through the archives as you read this. This is a very under-utilized resource; it keeps me sane and I get to flex and refine my wordsmith abilities. Getting back to the point, I was going to update ya'll on recent bicycle purchases/developments/frustrations, but I think I'm going to can it until next week. And then, I PROMISE, you will get a nice dose of pasteurized blog post by yours truly.

By the way, how fucking good is this? Seriously!



Until next week (or even sooner, if I keep it brief!) my dear friends,

M.

A change...

is a-coming. Hold tight till Sunday, but here is a bit of what's in my head:




Goodnight,

M.

Finally...

Good evening,


I'm fully aware that it has been some time since I have last updated this blog, I also know that exactly none of you have been waiting for this post with bated breath.

It's nice to see you again.

These last couple of weeks have been filled with me packing up my entire life and moving back to the South Shore from Western Mass. Which invariably leads to many many many dull trips on the pike with a truck full of stuff. However, as of about 3 PM today, I am finished and settled back in the house where I grew up.

Huzzah!

With all the packing, cleaning, worrying, and forgetting about things that I have been doing recently, biking has not been a top priority. Also, the weather has been dead set against me taking the beautiful Margaret out. At least I'm over my whole 'dying' phase. I feel pretty good, and now that I am temporarily and happily unemployed, much riding and exercising is foreseen in my immediate future.

In any case, it's good to be home. I promise promise promise to keep up with posts, starting in a week.

Ok?

Cool.


Summer is here, my friends, and it is going to be an excellent one.





And because I'm back near Boston:



Until next time,

M.

Sick... And busy...

Not really anything to report on this week, as I was too sick to function as a relatively normal human being. Wednesday post was missed and I feel bad about that.

I really do.

However, this upcoming week is my final week of work before, what I have just termed it, 'The Last Summer'. I figure, since I won't be working for two months, I will mostly just bicycle around town and get fit and actually make some progress towards this whole century thing. So you all have that to look forward to.

I'm cutting out Wednesday posts for this week and next but I assure you, come June, you will be able to read a quality blog post twice a week from me. For serious.

That's pretty  much all I have to say. Here is a gem that I feel is summing up my life quite nicely right now. Also, the guy on the left at 4:17 MAKES MY LIFE.



Goodnight everyone.


M.

SICK...

Very. So much so, that I cannot form very many coherent thoughts, much less string them together in an honest, thoughtful, and entertaining way. Therefore, no post shall happen tonight.

My apologies, really.


M.

Greetings!

It's been a while, no? Well, I apologize for that. This past week has been a blur of very little sleep, good friends (both old and new), aaaaannnnd not a lot of bike riding.

....

I've been finding it difficult to focus on this goal recently; there is just too much else going on. However, I vow to correct it. THE PLAN:

• SLEEP
• Super-duper important, but I have been absolutely terrible at it recently. We're talking 4 or 5 hours a night, average. 
• DIET
• I have been doing a little better on this one, but I'm going to sit down and figure out exactly what I need to eat on a daily basis. And the fact that I have to do that makes me feel unbelievably stupid. Also, I don't drink anywhere near enough water. Way to go me for being lousy at being alive....
• RIDING
• Now that it is getting nicer out, I'm going to do this whenever I can. Also, I just found out that my truck is basically dead, so no vehicle for me this summer! 

So my objective for the next week and a half is to get all that stuff down. Also, I've been playing basketball with my labmates every week, and I have never been so freaking sore in my entire life.


So that's about it for right now.

See you all Sunday!


M.

Long weekends...

cause me to forget to make a blog post in advance, and now I'm too tired. Here, have this for now:


I'll make this up to you on Wednesday, I promise.

Goodnight all,

M.